The 'L' Word
by darkpyroangel06
Summary: Harry has always had problems with his relationships, but he never expected to have the same problems with Severus. Will he be able to convince Severus, or will he become just another one of Harry's past relationships?


A/N: So this was a fic I put together. I've never written anything like I did this one. It means a lot to me because this is a similar tale of how I finally got to a comfortable place in my relationship with my then-boyfriend (now-fiancé, soon-to-be-husband) so I could tell him I love him. I know that's more than anyone wants to know or cares about, but whatever. Thanks for reading. _**-dpa06-**_

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Why is it that people always assume that being in a relationship makes things easy? I've had plenty of boyfriends and girlfriends, fuck buddies, one night stands, one weekend stands, and enough ogling to last a lifetime. Just because I was serious with some of them doesn't mean that things were easy. Like with Danielle. She had this thing about cleanliness and germs. Always had me washing my hands, folding my napkin just so, turning her glass a certain direction even! It was driving me nuts! Or Thomas. Just because I've got more money than anyone's ever thought about he thought I should just be able to get whatever I want, whenever I want.

Sorry folks. I'm just a normal bloke, living a normal life. I have a job as a professor, and I use that money to buy the things I need. Yeah, my inheritance is used a little. A bit is put into the Weasley twins' shop, and a little more is used for the upkeep of Godric's Hollow. Yeah, my ancestral home. I've only been there myself three times that I can remember without it being bathed in an eerie green light. I eat normal food, drink normal drinks. I rarely drink anything with alcohol in it. Let's see, I'm partial to muggle ale and Wizarding Butterbeer. Other than that, I'm pretty straight. Well, straight as I can get batting for both teams, if you catch my drift.

I think the worst was Valencia. She put me off women for a good two years. She was so needy and clingy, and I didn't mind at first. I can stand someone being needy and clingy. The problem came when she expected me to be needy and clingy in return. She wanted everyday to be Valentine's Day, with roses and candy and hearts. And the 'L' word. Sorry folks, but that word isn't in my vocabulary. I know it sounds horrible, but it's not really. I can say it in jest, I can say it to a friend. I've told Ron and Hermione, heck almost all of the Weasleys, at some point or another. But when it came to my 'romantic interests'? Nope. Never. Not once.

Which is probably why Sean left. I liked him a lot. But it wasn't enough, 'like'. That wasn't the four-letter word that started with an 'L' that he wanted. All of them want it, none of them get it. It's not that I'm cold hearted bastard; quite the contrary. It's that I don't understand this word. I mean, seriously, think about it. That little word is thrown around all the time! You can love a piece of chocolate cake, for instance. Or Thestrals but not darcorns. I mean, if I can love an animal surely I can love a person? But I do. I already said how I felt about the Weasleys. And Remus, don't forget Remus. I think that, had he lived, I could have said such things to Sirius. Dunno really. We'll never know now.

If you just think about my life, maybe you'll understand. I didn't know my parents. They were murdered when I was one and a half years old. Then I was put on a doorstep, a doorstep! The doorbell wasn't rung, no door was knocked on. Just me, wrapped up in a blanket, placed in a basket, and set on a doorstep with a note explaining why I was there. I was found the next morning by my aunt. Yeah, let's talk about them for a moment. My maternal aunt, uncle by marriage, and cousin. They definitely weren't the friendly sort. I'd been bullied my entire life by my cousin and his friends. Although, it did help with my Seeker position later in life I guess.

My aunt was emotionally cold and distant, not caring or helpful in any way. The only things she taught me were how to cook and clean, weed and garden, and how to please her. If she said jump, I asked how high. Better yet, I jumped and hoped it was high enough to please her. Or I'd get cuffed upside the head by my uncle. Now, normally that wouldn't be too bad. But my uncle is a whale of a man. His hands are rather large, so a cuff upside the head hurt. Especially since it took me several years to learn to dodge it. And then there's the fact of my living conditions. True, I wasn't shoved anywhere I could possibly die, but that cupboard got awfully small as I got older. At first it was okay; I had my own room. But as I got bigger, I realized it for the punishment it was: punishment for existing.

And they never told me anything. At least, not the truth. They told me my parents were useless, drunks, died in a car crash. That wasn't true. They told me I was a freak. That wasn't completely true. They told me nobody wanted me, and that's why I was dropped off a their house. That wasn't true. That _isn't_ true. Because you're here. But I digress. It wasn't the best place to be raised, but it was better than my schooling. I was led by a manipulative man who put the greater good above that of an eleven year old boy. Understandable, in the big picture. But because that eleven year old boy was me, I don't like it.

I was expected to kill an evil wizard. Yeah, wizard. I found out I was a wizard on my eleventh birthday after all sorts of weird things had been happening in my home. I found out I was richer than rich, that I was famous, that everyone knew me but I knew nothing. School was a godsend, as I got away from my family for a time. But that evil wizard was trying to kill me. Nevermind that no one believed he was alive. I knew. It was his spirit that took over one of my teachers' bodies and tried to kill me. It was his past soul that had almost killed my best friend's little sister and almost killed me. It was his minion that used my blood to resurrect his sorry arse, allowing him to rise to power once more. He fought me one on one, almost killing me; it was his minion that killed my godfather. It was his idea to have a boy my age try to kill the greatest wizard of all times, then fail miserably and thereby force our professor to do it in his stead. And succeed.

It is because of him and his minions that Hogwarts is no longer standing in all its glory. Yes, it's open and I work here and live here and there are students. But there's almost half of the castle that's not open for use. Of course, you already know this, don't you? After that fateful day, when that evil wizard used everyone I cared for against me in the worst possible ways, I killed him. Friends turned their backs on me, family spat at me and disowned me, colleagues said they were ashamed of me. And his plan worked. Their betrayals broke something inside of me. It didn't matter that I found out later that this was all done under the Imperius Curse. It still hurt.

I disappeared then, wanting to get my life in order before trying to help the numerous people who professed their need for me. I came back strong willed and with determination. Or so it seemed. A façade; surely you can understand that. Once the Wizarding world was back on its way to being right and whole again, I set my life into motion. I wanted a family of my own, maybe some kids. I wanted someone to look at me the way I wanted to look at my parents, my godfather.

But I couldn't do that. Another problem in my life. Everyone wanted The Boy-Who-Lived. How can I live in such an environment? So I started on my string of one woman after the other. When I grew bored and tired of that, I was introduced to the other side of the field. I went through man after man. I learned and experienced things most people have never heard of before. And I loved every moment of it. (See? Another case of the 'L' word being thrown around.) But even that grew tiresome. I wanted someone to come home to at night. So I found myself someone steady. But then the 'L' word would come up. End of relationship.

You made it the longest, almost a year now since our first date. I thought I'd never have to worry about this with you. I never thought you'd be the sentimental, mushy type. And you're not. But you know what you want, and you want the 'L' word. I can't give you that. I can't give anyone that. So, as our relationship became more and more strained, I saw the signs. They were a little more spread apart with you: stilted conversation, stiff posture, you stopped meeting me at the door for dinner. Then the heavier signs: lack of touching, being asleep or out when I came home, your things slowly disappearing.

At that last one, I decided to take a step before you left. I left for the weekend to sort things out, then came back. I was openly affectionate, and I tried everything I could think of to keep you here. I saw your bag last night though, hidden as it was. I know you are planning on leaving today, may still leave me. And if you do, that's okay. I'll be hurt, and I'll pine, but I'll find some way to move on I hope. But I decided that this was my final try to keep you here. I know I can't say it, can't even write it down, but I can do this. I wrote this letter and left it on your bag so there'd be no way for you to not see it. I know it's possible you've just thrown it aside, but I'm counting on your curiosity here. So, if you've made is this far, I just have two things to say to you.

I 'L' word You

Will that work?

Several hours later, when Harry Potter walked into his suite at Hogwarts, he was honestly shocked to find dinner waiting on the table, candles lit, champagne chilling in a bucket, the rooms spotless, and Severus Snape sitting in one of the chairs at the dinner table with a book in his hand. When he walked in, Severus looked up. Their gazes held for several moments before Severus broke the silence. "I bought a few new things and put them in the closet; hope you don't mind. Now come sit down. Dinner will get cold." Harry did, slowly but surely. About half way through the meal, Severus' hand on his knee caused him to pause. "It worked, Harry. It worked."

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A/N: So this literally popped into my head about ten minutes before I started writing it. I've never done that before, so I hope it turned out okay. It's something that was very relevant to me at the time I was writing it because my boyfriend at that time and I were having similar problems. He's now my fiancé, in case anyone's wondering. Okay, enough of that. No one really cares. Leave me a review so I know what you thought, yeah? Thanks so much! _**-dpa06-**_


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